some feelings you keep on hiding inside your skin, far from the blatant scrutinies and misconceptions, and they get bottled up, you feel like a piece that needs to be dismantled to just feel okay. your goal, simple: to be okay because the rest is complex--you taught yourself to solve the easiest and step back, retreat, retreat from your worn out thoughts replaying obsessively inside you head. i heard somewhere it's bad for a girl to think, thinking kills. i guess it is. i try to, i learned over the years--the result i lost the desire to write, lost my identity. you tell you've changed, it's oh so easy to say. because words are your weapon when your actions and true feelings fail you. i easily feel dead every time i am reminded that people can't change. i have high hopes you'd do, i trust and believe in you in that sort of way. how can i keep you from not having affections towards her? you see, i'm ready to give you up. i will never fight against her. love is not a competition you always tell me. lemonade, i like that album. beyonce you save me every single day

Attended a wedding last saturday. It was Patty's brother's wedding. Wow. That was a handful. Slept over at sequoia with paolo, jake, patty, and mark. Then after that raymond and i went to lucena to get a breather from manila and its pollution. Was quite overwhelming for raymond to drive for what could be 12 hrs. Nothing to see in lucena. Had the best crispy pata though in a homey place near the municipal. Had lomi in batangas. Then head straight to antipolo to see the spectacular view of city lights.

Nausicaa

Cesca and my boyfriend highly recommend Nausicaa. I tried watching it several times, on my bed, in my boyfriend's place, in Taiwan but I can't seem to, for the lack of word, like it. It really bores me. I get the importance of the movie--how it teaches people to protect nature the way it protects us, that in no time we'd be taking the toll of our own actions towards environmental conservation and such. I get it. I guess it's just that the characters don't seem to resonate within me. There's something lacking in the movie. Maybe the story was devoid of feeling (i devour feelings jsyk) and that it's too... bland. So tonight, I opted to shut off my laptop instead than to finish watching Nausicaa. What might be wrong with me? Haha

Test

Test

i guess i am back
wow definitely a thing to say after 2 years or so
things have changed like i have a boyfriend now and my weight surmounted to 70 kilos from 60 kilos
not that i'm proud of it
i'm certainly not proud of the fact that i literally look like a lumba lumba but i just like to put that in writing to sound like major things have changed
looking at myself again, i guess no i didn't change a bit
i'm still sad, more like depressed, every now and then
i still can't figure out life and what lies for me here
i still have my friends but some went and that's the end
i don't like spending time thinking about things that don't matter anymore
that's what changed, i think
one of the greatest lesson i've learned is to stop being so introspective
i mean it might be good for other people but for me naaaah
it's all a downward spiral when i become like that
when i'm sad, i go to places far away from manila
just a day or two and i'm okay
i'm a lot simpler now in terms of well my emotions
pretty gained (apart from my apparent weight gain) a lot of confidence from having a corporate job and tackling things that are way too mature
still lazy and irresponsible though haha
this is me version 2.0 or more like me version 1.....
i would like to share my thoughts again
a strange motivation for me to have my thesis going
so yeah, hello, i'm back