Unexplainable

This day is not a good one. It's not the worst one though but I feel super shitty today. I feel bitchy. I feel like siphoning the loneliness off the world. I eat like a pig. I talk like a madman. My Physics 71 classmate even stared at me (like really, who does that?)with wide, shocked eyes.

Am I really so blatantly deranged, insane, bizarre, weird? Do I look nuts?

Is it wrong?

Thoughts:

(1) There are just those people that you can't get along with even if you've been spending lots of time with them. When I say "lots", I mean "years".

(2) When I have a crush, I go berserk. I scream, I jump, I run to hide (usually in the restroom), I lose my appetite, I even cry sometimes.

(3) When there are too many stray thoughts in my head, I write. I write in my hand, in the walls, in other people's hands, in notebooks, in restrooms, in the street... I write to feel free.

(4) 10 years from now, I am free! I don't care about being rich or poor, having husbands or kids, loving life or not... just the purest sense of being free.

(5) And when I am free, everything will follow.

God, I am so erratic. I wish I could just evaporate this very moment.