"If life could just be as serene and as alive as this..."
Today someone close to me said he wanted to die. He was very very close to me, but I could only bring myself to a nod and a "hmm.." when he said the words with sadness and helplessness. There were millions of confusing thoughts inside my head, as if an overflowing dam unleashed billions and billions of gallons of water. I couldn't utter a word because I felt weak inside. Like I wanted to cry.
I was trying to force myself to lift up his spirits, to tell him that everything is going to be alright, and that time heals all wounds. I wanted to show him what there still is in life; let him see the beauty in the ugliest of things. I wanted to make him cry... so hard that the ground beneath us would shake and the sky would turn the bluest of blue and the cool gust of wind would breeze in... and his sadness and pain would soon ebb away.
But I didn't do anything. I sat with him and his sorrowful words, floating around us and enveloping us with the same familiar numbing feeling.
However, I cannot stop myself to hate him... for his selfishness, for his ugly ugly ugly thoughts, for the way his eyes start to droop, as if saying to me that today was the end, for his being unfair to me and to his family, for saying his thoughts out loud, for the gulit... He is just so... UNFAIR!
I gathered, life, nowadays, has already become a conscious choice. Not a gift, as what it should have been. Just a choice that one would eventually cross out if under extreme pain and depression.
Though, I'd be lying if I say it didn't cross my mind.
