What Are You Made Of?

Remember this?

Last Saturday, I got in a fight with a pedicab driver. It was raining that time, and we (my mama, brother and I) needed someone to take us from the mall to the nearest waiting shed. We hurriedly scrambled to our feet, got in the pedicab, and asked the driver of how much he'd charge us to get to the nearest waiting shed. He said 40 pesos would be reasonable enough what with the slight drizzle and bustle all over the street. I thought, "Hey, that's a pretty long distance huh? Nevermind. We just needed to get out of this place."

When we arrived at the "nearest" waiting shed, I was stunned to discover that we didn't even cover a kilometer. It was just a mere 150-meter walk. So being the practical and headstrong woman my Mama was, she angrily complained. She kept on telling the man that 30 pesos would be "reasonable" enough for the very very very short trip that we had. The man, on the other hand, gaudily protested that we had a "deal", and that we MUST pay him 40 pesos.

Of course, Mama wasn't happy about that, and to make things short, the whole scene went from bad to worse. The atmosphere went tense, the anger and frustration between the two became more prominent, and the lump in my throat swelled beyond belief.

I was thinking of what might happen if the scene went on (You see, my mother has heart problems, hence her blood pressure easily surges up). I looked around me, and saw my brother in complete daze and confusion. People were swarming around us like we're shooting some kind of an action film. And I saw my mother again with her blazing eyes and flaring nose... and this strange hospital scene where my mother is plastered with an oxygen mask and lying on a stretcher kept on playing and playing inside my head.

That was the moment when this little coy world I have built since God-knows-when has finally collapsed. I screamed so loud at the pedicab driver that my words weren't longer a part of me. I couldn't even remember what I was saying, and it was humiliating enough for me to look like some war-freak girl that has no manners or etiquette. But I continued to yell at the driver like the teenage angst I have built within me since I had reached puberty spilled out and lashed him ruthlessly inch by inch.

Everyone was astounded... in a way that they remained silent for a long time. Even my mother lost her words. And my brother silently looked at me like he had never seen me before. The pedicab driver, on the other hand, was stupefied and stared at me like I was his mother punishing him for something bad he had never done.

I was extremely unequivocally mercilessly mad. I even cursed the driver. And you see, I don't say very ugly words in a day-to-day basis. It was really one of those moments that I steeled myself and felt so strong.

Looking back, I realized that under dreadful and dire circumstances, we find out who we really are, what we are capable of, and what we're really made of.

In my case, I finally see that I am not some kind of silicon that could be blown across from one place to another. I am actually some kind of steel... Perhaps, a 4140 steel. I am full of flaws, but meaningfully enough, these flaws make me stronger than strong... and for some reason, even stainless.

Now, I feel I can brave anything bad that would storm my world anytime, anywhere. I know what I am made of, and I'm confident enough to believe in myself.