sheila, chica, and I patiently waited on the line, quietly hoping that we can make it, have it, live it. students milled about the gym. their confused faces accentuated the scarcity of classes and the poor implementation of the ‘new’ set of rules. where is the express lane? what is the use of giving us numbered tags when 2nd day aspirants are allowed to get in? where are the hourly updates of class slots? in the end, sheila and I didn’t get any. felt betrayed and cheated. there we were, all sweaty and exhausted, our eyes drooped as were pinned against the concrete ground. the stuffy air gave no room for us to breathe. and after about 12 hours, we’ll be confronted that there are no slots left in our desired subject? no fair. my insides are still in turmoil.
having talked to cesca, I felt confused. this relationship, or whatever it is, has proved to be beyond what’s expected of it (I do put expectations on relationships). I thought everything is over, that everyone is trying to start all over again, that life moves on however shitty it became. I guess, these wounds don’t heal that fast after all, that there is a great possibility of us being shattered and broken forever, that time can’t heal, that we have another deeper layer of skin that bears all the scars and the stitches, that we are no less than just being time’s slaves.
dana told me, after a good long talk about toys and boys, of how much excited she is to see me have a boyfriend of my own. laughed at the comment because I can’t imagine myself having one. fling. that is what I see. I don’t want to take anyone seriously. I don’t want to belong to anyone. there’s no reason in that. I live pragmatically and boys are definitely unreasonable. but my views change. let’s see when we get there?
I’m reading The Beach by Alex Garland. this is one of the books that Ms. Duque recommends for the generation x to read. from what I’ve already read, I’m sensing that the the plot will be very similar to the lord of the flies, which is one of my most favorite books by the way. I can’t wait to finish it tonight/tomorrow. Ms. Duque’s the best when it comes to these things :)
