I left my mind open to welcome the influx of academic information, kept telling myself that I’m ready to scar again. yes, I am definitely ready. to have realized it so late was my mistake. I’ve yet to learn that it has to be consequential to an activity/engagement that triggers fear or sudden hopelessness. felt my mind racing to find answers and figure out how to get out of the labyrinth, that was the plate in es1. there were no shortcuts or immediate exists/doorways to nirvana, so I had to run as fast as I could to chase time, if there is such an occurrence. but how can one chase time? not a question of possibility but of reality.
jowell is a pillar, a strong one. I might have not make it through without his help. ‘look at how I do it. follow me’ he said, and I felt less scared. to find such safety in his voice is a blessing I will always be thankful for. I’d rather have 2-3 friends than a bunch of total ass wackos who leave you when you needed them the most. I’ve experienced enough to say that quality outweighs quantity.
there is a list I made, quantifying and enumerating the fears I have in life. I included in there the human brain specifically the one I have with me. I wouldn’t have any fear springing from deep within my self if it wasn’t for what takes root inside the consciousness of my mind. hence, the fear of fear itself. to separate the mind from the body is what some people have been trying to do for hundreds of years. is it attainable? not a question of possibility but of reality.
for my sudden ambiguous interjections, I apologize.
