denominator, hello decatur

woke up with a dream about pre-enlistment and schedule planning still hanging loosely in my head. waited for a few minutes, while staring at the whiteness of the ceiling, for the dream to finally sink in and take form. there was a looming danger as realization after realization hit me and rolled in like waves against the mind's seawall. why do i let myself worry when i've seen and encountered worse. a soft hush remained and told me, "carrying the pain doesn't follow spending the rest of your days in shame and guilt. the next day is the beginning of another life, and you do remember the light, don't you?" like i said, what needs to be tweaked is the mind's reaction; all else follows.

yesterday was our class party, es 12 stabockkst class party that is. the usual—assorted pizza, carbonara, chicken lollipops, and 1.5L bottles of soda— were served. the simple gathering was a reminder that engineering is as low-key as it can get. people are dressed in t-shirts paired with shorts, getting by the rigorous engineering life with cups of coffee, cigarrettes,  and minds in state of constant chaos and peace coexisting effectively. in this world, we learn things the hard way. we fail, and we fail BIG TIME. but we make sure that every failure creeps into us and transforms us to become winners. we build and design things; learn theoretical concepts by heart; and apply them to adapt to the moving, solid, physical world.  we make life simpler as we fight to survive in the wild, the jungle of competitive alpha lions and struggling little ants. and sometimes, like the afternoon yesterday, i feel like an oddball, a miscast, a freakin' daffodil that can be squashed and mangled in no time. and you know, i do not prefer t-shirts at all. but i want to thrive in this world, to live as long even longer than the cheetahs or the orangutans. because after all the failed attempts and bombed undertakings, this world certainly makes me feel strong and infinite. all i want to do is sway in tune to the wind's rhythm, and not conform.

pictures courtesy of sir ji