How I missed her, how I missed her,
How I missed my Clementine,
Til I kissed her little sister,
And forgot my Clementine.
Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever,
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.
Oh my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever,
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.
i have been so busy with living. in one week's time, i have produced 3 blue bruises on my right leg, and two painful pimples on my face; and i have only slept for 7 hours or less for the whole week. nonetheless, i am happy. after all, pain, most of the time, is happiness for me.
the deadly start of my week was on wednesday. i have been cramming my formal report in chem 28, while juggling my buddy write-up, report for pan pil 19, problem set in physics 72, and worksheet in physics 72.1 in between my short-lived breaks. to top it all of, i go home 10 pm or 11 pm everyday because i was busy practicing and planning for talent's night. in effect, i would usually doze off for 2 hours before i do my assigned works, which then resulted to the accumulation of these said works. in the wee hours, i tend to space out, and stare like crazy at my piled up books and blinking computer cursor. i couldn't think properly.
on thursday, i really was on my melting point. i got railed by the memcomm. i was crying inside while accepting all the painful blows. i did not cry, but i really was on the verge after i heard sanchi's story. that was the time i realized how really strong i am.
i remembered the time when my grandfather died. everyone in the family was crying when we were escorting my lolo on his last journey. my father was even screaming, my titas and titos were shedding tears....everyone (even people who barely know my grandfather) were taking part in the despair. i was the only one who was not crying. i stand with those people but it felt like i wasn't sharing the same feeling. i felt like i'm not human.
if you really know me in person, you would always see me with a smile on my face. i would never ever cry with you. i would joke around to take any pain away. i would try to make everything light, but i couldn't cry with people.
on friday, i passed my formal report on time after barely sleeping. afterwards, we had an overnight practice at geneva's house in laguna. again, i didn't sleep. we finished our presentations for TN in approximately 12 hours.
we went home the next day to change clothes for TN. and after 4 hours or so, we finally succumbed to the intensity of talent's night.
i couldn't say everything because....well, just because. but i found out lot of things about myself. i grew a little more. i matured. i learned. i felt.
i would finish my application in 9ers without tears. i wouldn't be vulnerable. i would be strong the way they bring me up. right now, i can see my strengths and weaknesses. but i assure myself that on final rites they can only see my strengths. i would fight without fighting. i would survive every blows. i would be as strong as a 9er mem can be.
