I have always been risking. Thinking that, in the end, I will get out of the mess I created unscathed and victorious. I have always believed in the world, I guess. After all, I was always on the brink of losing something, but God knows why I don't fall into the trap.
Today, I failed. A subject. Not just any other subject. A subject that I love and care so much about.
On the first weeks of 2nd semester, I have put so much attention to Chem 28. I listened to Ma'am Espino's lectures, answered our take home quizzes, and read all the assigned readings in Analytical Chemistry by Skoog. On the day of our first long exam, I got a passing grade. A grade that almost half of the class coveted at that time. I was so happy because my efforts paid off. And just the thought that I simply passed was good enough to fill up my teacup of happiness.
On the middle of the semester, I could already feel the pressure of juggling school work and org work. I go home late, sleep, and wake up with quizzes, rdrs, and other school-whatnots smacking me right on the face. Hello, new day right? But, I always try to get the job done. And how do I do this? By ditching classes.
You see, I have this list of subject priorities that goes like:
- Math 55
- Chem 28.1
- Chem 28/Physics 72
- Physics 72.1
- Kas 2
- Pan Pil 19
Yes, Physics 72 and Chem 28 were interchangeable because the latter starts the same time the former begins.
So, when I had to rush an RDR on wednesday, I had to skip my chem 28 class because it would give me a + 3 and 1/2 hours to type away my reports at home. And when my chem 28.1 afternoon class got cancelled (we had 4 free days more or less), I usually opted to cut chem 28 class because I would be off the whole day, which might most likely give a boost on my failing grades in Physics 72.
I was also confident in my grades in Chem 28 and the thought that Ma'am Espino didn't care about whether a student comes to class or not gave me such high self-assurance.
On the last week of the semester, I studied like hell. But I only studied in Math 55, Physics 72, and Chem 28.1. Why? Because I was so confident I would pass Chem 28. I was so confident that the 2nd long exam was easy I could ace it. I was so immersed in the thought that I have survived Chem 17 with a loud thud, so why would I ever fail Chem 28?
On the examination day, I knew I got a very low grade. A grade that could only be explained by 6 absences more or less ( I lost count really sorry), and the overwhelming confidence I have in myself. However, my unrelenting faith didn't wear off especially when I know I could ace the finals (it was the multiple choice type), since I was almost given a whole week to study.
When I checked out the grade list in Chem 28, I found out that I got a very low pre-final grade. And the worst thing about it was that it was brought about by the accumulation of only 27 points out of a 100 in the quizzes part because I was always absent! I knew I was doomed because the next day was the final exam. I knew it.
So then I studied. I burned the midnight oil to understand how uv-vis spectrophotometer works, how to solve acid-equilibria problems... etc. etc.
After the exam, I knew I had a good shot on passing. I thought I nailed it.
But, I've yet to find out I was completely wrong.
Now, I ask myself why I failed Chem 28? I knew it wasn't the finals nor the long exams. It was the quizzes, which actually is the basis for the attendance, that did me. Why?
Because even though Ma'am Espino was apathetic towards our absences, the UNIVERSITY RULE is still the RULE. It doesn't change. It won't ever change.
I am not proud of myself for failing a subject because I disobeyed the only rule that the University is most strict about, and that is you get a grade of 5 for more than 6 absences.
Now I am done with risking, in the second, in the minute, in the hour.
Time is golder than gold, I gathered.
