i may have finally believed in life tonight and regarded the solemn stories these people, i now call friends, have shared with me. i pulled the sheets and buried myself in the softness of the mattress, and thought i can continue to sustain myself in this solitary world i have methodically erected. yes there is the self and the longing to keep it strong and fortified. i like to believe that this will always hold true especially when the boundaries are eradicated and you're left with nothing but courage and guts. and no, you have to realize that there is the self and it can only thrive if you open the locks to your being and unrope the chains fencing in across your heart.
today, there is life and i may have fully lived it up.
the morning was a blur, a view through the hazy looking-glass of doom. i told myself to screw out the knowledge i know i have stocked up inside my mind. what if i don't pass? what do i do? what did reg do, or jeri, or anyone i know who have been through the same course? i asked myself without remembering that the one thing i truly learned about college life is that it goes on. saying the word "today" is just as good as picking up yourself from shambles and weathering whatever storm is on the way. we are built to feel, to feel hurt, to reflect on pain and shape it to assume the nature of a boomerang. realized that how i respond is another thing. you know that's where i should focus on.
in the back of my mind i surreptitiously had this thought: how come we have become this close when we weren't given the chance to be in the same class. perhaps this attests to how friendship can never be assessed via absence/presence / time we provide for each other. i am happy to mull over the fact that aly and i didn't grow apart after a year of friendship hibernation. nothing has changed, though there were bits of awkwardness the first time we met again. she was still the girl bryan and i used to visit over in chem 28 lab class back in 2009.
for lunch, aly and i had bon chon chicken meal at katips. we were a bunch of chatterboxes, screaming the right to failure, to be given a second chance. feel like when i am with people like aly, i see no point to disintegrate in the background. we can all become defiant and shameless so long as we stay true to each other. i don't care what fuss those onlookers gave us. we say what we feel because stereotypes have never been a good measure of people's values and principles.
she told me about the happenings in her life and i listened to the voice that was true and filled with vibrancy. aly, i would like to say something witty but all i can come up with is, 'have faith. we'll make it through.' your determination has shaped up the person you are now. see, you can juggle work and school! and you were never scared, only a bit frustrated. i'll be there when you finally earned the prestige to wear the sablay.
there are still a lot to blog about, but i will wait for tomorrow. have to study, so adieu.
