23-27

i barely slept during plane rides, was always eager to differentiate the islands / countries down below if what little knowledge of basic geography i may have implanted in my mind back in high school permits me at the time of doing. i like looking at the world in a different angle, at this specific vantage point, for the reason that i am allowed to be on the wing even for just an hour. reminded by this phrase always, "to look out the window is to want to be on the side of the birds", and so i refrained to sleep and let my reading light on as the others' stayed dim

when we were nearing singapore i took note of the lights. city lights, lights coming from ships and other sea vessels, street lights, the carrier's own lights, lights illuminating from the lcd screens of fellow passengers. i like all of them. i like that we were guided, that we were safe and sound. my fascination with the universe stemmed from the search of stability and security the stars' luminance warrant us. there is nothing faster than the speed of light, not a blink of an eye or a nuclear explosion. what is real is what the eyes permit us to see

i went to sam on my own, with my kanken carrying the rest of who i am. from harbourfront i boarded the train towards punggol. alighted at doby ghaut station to pop in on the hotel we used to stay in. there was construction in the street where it was located, like saying pardon the jumble but you are not welcome here. my legs surreptitiously carted me away to bras basah road, shouting hey i'm from farrer now where hawkers are the best

the way i remember the museum experience is like being transported from one scene in a dream to another. the liquid-like structure makes you want to keep your eyes closed like being underwater. it is only after you reach the end that you see greatness unfolding right before your eyes. realizing that pulling open curtains after curtains with no fear in my body was the genuine greatness i was looking for in a long time. it was so dark inside really, but what comfort it provided me as i digest every piece and piece together my own

the museum was empty save for one person or two. i said, this is all mine— the artists' works are solely for my eyes to see, the culture is only mine to imbibe in. i will remember how the world felt so peaceful and free at that time, how full my heart had become. felt like that this is always how i would like to visit places, unaccompanied and content


it was
like going through life 
unknown, 
like the blindness of others is my safety 
and freedom
i stole their torches,
their guiding lights
the pitch-black darkness devouring
everything
into their own 
damned oblivion