oh dear

when we talk, the conversation breathes in patterns like: 'pause', 'word', 'question', 'sentence', 'pause', 'word', 'question', 'sentence'. we walk above clouds, gingerly keeping pace with each other because a slight change in distance will shift the world we're building with our hands askew. i have long ago voiced out how i see myself in her. our interests are one and the same as if our minds rooted from the same seed. we frankly admitted that we consider ourselves ufsi re how inconvenient it is to say hi, how you doing flung into by social niceties. she is an extension of who i am, i realized, a secret room where i keep what stays true in my heart.

a lot has changed between us— this group that deviated from the norm. we made a world nestled in warm smiles, polite honesty, and mutual likeness, blurring out the images of everyone else simply because we're content with who we're with. so it pains me to see myself/her/them treading water opposite their/our/my direction without causing ripples as if arrested in silence. 'because in college you find the solitary in you', is what i whisper to myself along pavements & back alleys during glorious dusks. and the existence of libraries gave sustenance for my fantasies, for the girl who lived in books and drank letters of forgetting.