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so i have been down in the dumps for the past few days. it took me great courage to admit that i wasn't okay/was crying because i don't want people to see that i am not okay/don't want to be the topic of any conversation. but feel like bursting because i am bottling up all these emotions so here it goes...

some of the reasons why i was feeling blue:

1) too much pressure that my family is putting on me specifically my grandfather and tita re work, what to do in the future, the path i should take. hate it when lolo keeps on telling me the you-shoulds and when tita presses me on the issue about thailand/europe blah blah blah because they put high expectations on me that i cannot meet at all. want to build a yurt somewhere far from here and hide there until i rot away and get eaten by maggots and die

2) the house feeling emptier and emptier because papa and mama are too busy with work/are always away, and there's no one to talk to here apart from my brother

3) missing my true friends :((

4) regrets, regrets, regrets like dropping cs12 and shifting and being too much of a coward and running away from problems and being too honest and straightforward etc

5) eavesdropping on my father and mother's conversation about the possibility that papa won't come to my graduation :'((


gosh, i thank god for red velvet cupcakes, pc's red velvet pancakes, death cab for cutie, my brother, friends, and david levithan and rachel cohn's naomi and ely's no kiss list. tonight, i am feeling much, much better hihihi